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Being a firm believer that choice is always ours and every moment is a moment of choice, today I decided to find out what was stopping me from writing. And I realized it was the very topic itself: fear. That in reading and writing about fear I had hit on my own fears around writing, and that, not being aware of this, I unconsciously had put fear in the control seat. And from its high and mighty place, fear decided to stop all writing immediately. What if I lacked the talent? What if nobody would read what I wrote? Or worse, what if they would and than not like it? Or what if they did like it and demanded more? What if I actually had to make a full commitment and become more disciplined? Way too many “what if’s” for fear to allow me to continue on my chosen path. – Written By Jacinta Hin for kimknightcoaching

Fear of failure. A part of me knew that was what was preventing me from finishing my website but I didn’t want to face it. But today when I was talking to my coworker about how I need to work on my JavaScript and possibly take more courses, he told me I don’t need more courses. I need practical work experience now. He said I know it, but I’m letting fear keep me from moving forward. That fear was stopping me from finishing my site that I have been working on for months. He’s right. If I can get through these Udemy courses in 2 weeks, for each, I should be able to do same. To further support his point, as I went through these courses, the material was just a refresher of things that I knew and I found myself typing as quickly as the instructor on the video. I need to finish my site and then after my site, make more sites. Even if they are for myself or for mock companies, I need to keep making them.

We are often sabotaged in our efforts to act on what we want by our fears. Not only does fear prevent us from making a decision or taking the first step, even after we have started the process of creating new realities, fear continues to claim its veto right. And when it does, we tend to stop, surrender, procrastinate and give up. We hurry back to the old and familiar status quo, even if we know this is not where we want to be. We resist change, even if our heart cries for it.- Written By Jacinta Hin for kimknightcoaching

I need to not let my fear of not being good enough to move away from email production into web development, keep me from what I want to do. I must not use the excuse that “I don’t have the time”, which was mentioned in the link I referenced, to keep from putting in work. I definitely need to schedule time during the week and on the weekend. Heck, if I have downtime at work, make a quick one page website to practice and maybe throw it on my portfolio as one-offs. I admit I don’t know JavaScript like the back of my hand, but I understand it due to the coding background I have from Java in college. I need to remember that I can understand programming and I will get JavaScript/jQuery one day.

I wonder if some of the experienced developers I personally know or the ones I follow on Twitter/blogs, felt this way in the past. Or maybe some do still, even though they have years under their belts. Just another thing for me to ponder. If I can get a mentor in web development, I will have to pick their mind about this subject, in addition to JavaScript tips.

I must say this post was very therapeutic. I needed to get this off of my chest. That’s it for tonight. I have to get back to the new Udemy course I started tonight. I finished the other one, the 75% through one, so I’ve moved onto another. A few more lectures, and then I’ll turn in. Have a good night, or morning, or afternoon, wherever you are reading this. 🙂

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